年三十

十年，每年的今天都在思念一个女孩，同时心里在隐隐的，无比清晰的伤痛. 无论外面是热闹, 或是冷清, 都与我毫无关系. 这感觉，如同一把弯刀，每时每刻都在刺痛我, 无法思考，无法逃脱，无法让我从狭隘的世界中清醒过来， 它就这样压着我回到自己那狭隘的世界. 许多年，许多个日夜，许多分秒，缓缓的从手心，从脚底，从皮肤毛发间, 如同奔流的江水，暴虐的沙石，狂怒的疾风般飞逝而过. 而我却患了差时症, 时间在这一天被无情的定格. 现在, 我站在时间的转折点, 冷漠的看着身边的一切奔流而去, 像欢笑的儿童, 又好似无情的岁月. 欢笑，伤悲，或是平庸，都如同过眼云烟，不遗留一丝残留. 今天是元一的生日.

dream again.

好久好久没有梦到元一了.

这次在梦里，见到她恬静了很多，成熟了很多, 懂事了.

造物弄人.

可是我，再也没法在梦里看清楚她的模样了.

five years passed

Yuan Yi has broken up with me for 5 years, and I have been alone for 5 years.

After all

After all, I could not start writing.

Emptiness is the only thing in mind.

tropic life

Outside there is a thunderstorm coming.
dark clouds are floating.
We made a mistake of redshift, partly because of unconsciousness, partly because we were tired at that moment, partly because the woman was very not confident with her work.
We had a good lesson on not only science, but life as well.
The good news is, we finally find the mistake before too late.


Hot and humid outside always. cool in nights.

We will see. how's going with all these things going.

i would like to be the brightest spark in a firework

That is just what i want to say.

another day

Another day, I was wandering in light rain.
Suddenly I realized that I have been the man who I wanted to be.
With special thought, cool dressing, little words, with blue sentiment.
I know how to do with girls, how to make them happy, and what to do when they are not happy.
But, what shall I do?
Fuck the cheerleader, fuck the world!

在路上

昨夜走在路上，天气阴冷，寒气萧萧。
耳机里是beatles的歌，
突然一瞬间觉得，
自己，也许是不配拥有爱的人。
因为，我从来都是想让我爱的人幸福，
而我本人，却很难给别人幸福感。
可能，自小一个人的独立，使得我，总是和别人保留一定距离。
但是矛盾就在于，我，难以给我想让幸福的人感到幸福感。

情人节早晨的梦

还是能梦到元一。
虽然她的模样依稀模糊，可我知道那就是她。
那印在锅与盘子上的照片，平淡，温馨，阳光斜斜的透过树叶散射进来，一副微笑的面孔。
梦中的四周真实的可怕，我曾经拥有过么？
诗样浪漫的感情。

最起码，我在梦中也已经原谅她，祝福她，虽然不原谅自己。
希望她能过的好，不要如同我一般，活的总有些面具感。

一直以来，生活，比电影剧本复杂，精彩，多样，残酷。
莎士比亚的悲剧永远比他的正剧动人心魄。

我不需要多少幸福感，我只要打动自己

不是把话说出来就能真的好受一些.
埋在心里, 潜藏起来, 压缩, 然后深呼吸.

fucking dream again

FUCk!
I don't like to dream about Yuanyi and her new and new boyfriends.
Everytime, she changes one, worse and worse.
But this time, she likes him, and leave his picture on her mobile.
I don't like this feeling, it seems jealous and envy and hate.
I know, finally she will get married, but none of us will forget everything that has happened between us.

I don't like that

I don't like Hefei.
I don't like where there may be some possibility to meet Yuanyi.
已经不习惯用优美华丽的文字表述自己诗样的意境，
突然看到别人充满诗情画意的词汇文藻的博客，突的一下被震撼了。
可是可是
我没有停止思考。
我不看优美的文章，我不看小说，我不看名著，我不读散文， 已经很多年。
可是我的心，我的大脑还是在不断的不断的涌现各种歌唱一般的句子和段落
它们都在告诉我,
我停不下来。
USTC 50年庆祝活动以及上大学10周年聚会，
我不好意思参加。
没脸参加
算了
散了

Working state

A kind of tired, a kind of exciting, a feeling of duty, and pressure.
Keep on hard working, don't say any NO!
BTW, i dreamed Yuanyi again.
I left that hello kitty in the Netherlands, which was a dream of her.
so , good luck.

Today is present

I miss Yuanyi, always miss her.
But it has passed by. Only memory will be permanent.
I had a dream this morning, in which a young woman looks like a teacher.
She talked a lot about hard working or something like that.
A week has passed by. I don't have too much time.

随贴聊天记录

(10:37:35 PM) (L)China智昱: 成家以后人的心理就完全不一样了，看待事情也不一样的。
(10:37:44 PM) (L)China智昱: 你看看ZZ就知道了呀
(10:38:12 PM) pengpeng: 他结婚之前不是也那样吗
(10:38:47 PM) pengpeng: 但是是另一种幸福吧 提起他女儿就是
(10:39:27 PM) (L)China智昱: 恩，责任感
(10:41:33 PM) pengpeng: 如果结婚只是一种责任感作用 也挺可悲的吧
(10:47:05 PM) (L)China智昱: 恩， 结婚应该是爱情结晶吧
(10:47:55 PM) (L)China智昱: 前几天我参加别人婚礼，司仪说，希望他们的爱情最终转变成亲情，我听了这话，觉得特可悲

突然想起来，昨晚又梦到元一。
不是噩梦，不过依然笑不出来那种。

靠

做人就是贱,

还是会拍这个kitty,还是会想念元一,还是留恋过去,还是闷在这里.

regular life from now on

With the approaching of my thesis defense deadline, it is hard to get through these days.
I am still missing yuanyi.
i don't know whether it's for i don't have a GF by now.
----------------------------
self-discipline, what i should face to.
no regular living habit, no deep thinking, no concentration on any topic, which has significantly reduced my capacity.

要去荷兰

暑假要去荷兰。
文章，还在挣扎中。

他妈的天天阳关灿烂的日子

要好好干活，累的跟狗一样。

其实也挺好的。哈哈

昨天见到了皖F8888,突然想到，这是谁的车呢？

我对这方面的消息从来没有关注过，而从前的元一绝对不会说不出这个问题的答案，甚至她极有可能坐过这车。

这里还是不要让人知道的好

在家里呆着的那几天,除了关注艳照门,处理数据,写personal statement,写draft,看新闻笑话之外,
我还干了不耻的事情.
我没事就搜索元一的qq号,看她是否在线,看她的qq资料的更新,还去她qq空间看.
其实,每次自己都感觉特别难受,不但好像做贼心虚,而且害怕又好奇看到新的消息.
她,应该把我忘的差不多了吧?
真希望她能有个好归宿.
抱着这个想法,我对自己更加自我放逐.
也许,也许,等我实现了一些理想的时候,才能逐渐放下心里这块石头?
妈的!
在家里气氛都被我给破坏了,其实我很想上山登高望远的,就是赖着懒着一直没动,不出门不运动,不干活.
真是坐吃等死.